DEALING WITH GRIEF AND BEREAVEMENT PT 2
LOOKING TO LOVED ONES FOR SUPPORT
Have you ever been privy to a conversation like this, “What’s wrong? Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it? If you talk about it you will probably feel better.”? Most of us have been asked those very questions when we appeared to have something bothering us in the watchful eyes of a friend. In the words of Ovid, “Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.” Many wise people over the centuries have endeavored to help others realize how toxic bottling up your feelings from circumstances or experiences can be on an individual’s health. The 1st article touched on how grief comes in waves, and because of the uncertainty in the strength of the waves we must pace ourselves as we cope in this time. Now I would like to share another point my Dear Ones.
Express what is coming from within…
Every time we experience something traumatic we have both inward and outward expressions of thoughts. These thoughts from either plane effect how we function and our mental and physical health. If you had a illness that the medical field said would only get worse over time and you chose to keep it a secret from everyone including your Doctor would you expect to gain a full recovery? The answer is No. By failing to address your health issues to hopefully alleviate or remedy them you would only be making your health circumstances worse.
The same is to be said for your mental health. Suppressing those bubbling thoughts, words, or silent screams can be to your determinate. Part of The Natural Human Connection is communication. Realistically everyone does it along with animals; even plants have their own form of communication. Communication is Communication is innate and essential to coping with our grief.
Negative emotions can build within us. This build up of negativity can affect your mood, relationships, physical stamina in your daily routine, your necessary activities that keep you thriving like eating and sleeping, and your very will to live. I don’t think I need to highlight that anymore. You get the picture. Negativity is a road that can have a damaging snowball effect. It can start with a few repressed feelings and quickly become a sizable mass of injurious pain that harms or even maims a part of your functioning consciousness. Our goal is to cope and gently deal with our grief. So what shall we do?
I have a saying as silly as it sounds…”Do not suppress just confess.” I won’t sugar coat it I find it hard personally to communicate with others. I am a somewhat reserved person, but when I began to lose my loved ones and I saw how silencing myself was only making it worse I realized it was time for a change. A social worker met with me in the hospital when my Daughter was dying and He told me that I needed to express my feelings verbally to someone I trusted. Of course I blew this off at first but after awhile I could feel the suffering inside my mind and body suffocating me. Eventually I decided to choose a couple people to confide in. It wasn’t easy but as I spoke more and more I could feel a small release of that throbbing distress inside of me. It was not by any means a cure all but it gave me a small semblance of aid. “Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.” Christian Nesdell Bove
My Dear Ones one way to cope is to vent those feelings. Seriously in any loss or situation leading up to the loss of a loved one there is so much to question and think on. The gamut of emotions and thoughts can feel endless. There is anger, there is the whys, the sorrow, the pleading, confusion, what ifs, why didn’t I, blaming, the moments of needing to cry or scream, and much much more. These are all natural feelings and thoughts considering the circumstances. This is why it is so important to vent those thoughts and feelings to a trusted individual.
So vent, rant, rave! Scream your head off if need be, cry, verbalize, and give legs to the good, bad, and the ugly emotions you are experiencing. This trusted person or persons may be a family member, a Friend, Spouse, Co Worker, Neighbor; anyone you feel is a confidant that will not judge you for your need to talk.
The subject and experience of death is a difficult and complex occurrence in one’s life. It would be wise not to endure this puzzling crisis alone. “Grief is a world you walk through skinned, unshelled.” Ariel. I will not fool you into thinking that sharing your innermost thoughts and pangs is an easy action. It is not. It wasn’t for me and it may not be for you either. I do implore you Dear ones however arduous the verbalizing and expressing oneself may be sharing out loud can have a medicinal effect mentally and physically.
As the quote above mentions grief can make you feel naked and exposed as can sharing your thoughts about what you are experiencing or have experienced. I was told by some AMAZING people that by loving me I have become a part of them and their life as they are of mine. So by extension sharing with them, expressing myself and my true feelings with them, and baring all honesty of my soul to them is as important to them as their own feelings.
I particularly loved this expression because their words reminded me of my own thoughts that in some way it feels as if we are all connected, or can be connected if we would just open up and allow ourselves to be. These loved ones and friends have let me know that my feelings are just as important to them as their own are. How loving and self sacrificing is that?
My dear friends I am not going to beat around the bush as they say and pretend that grief and loss is not heart wrenchingly difficult. I just wanted to share some of the kind wisdom others have shared with me over the past month and a half. I continue to battle as I am absolutely sure you do. I will say I am thinking of you all and praying for you in my own manner.
Personally I have not been emotionally able to share my personal experience with everyone yet but I am planning on trying my best. My love to you all, and please feel free to contact me with your thoughts, experiences, or anything. We are all humans and in need of support.